Foreign Artists Exhibition

self-portrait
Originally uploaded by danabree.

Toshiya archery festival, Kyoto
Originally uploaded by danabree.

Today was the closing day of the exhibition at the Nagoya International Center that I put two drawings into. It was my first time exhibiting in Japan, so that was pretty cool. Now I can say I've exhibited in three countries, which is neat. I was supposed to attend the artists party afterwards though, and for some reason I felt really uncomfortable and didn't stay. I don't know if it was just because I've been sick with a never-ending cold and was just really tired and grouchy, or if I just felt out of place there. Maybe it was a little of both, I just didn't want to stand there with a name badge on, going "Yes, this is my work, do you like it?". Just seemed so stupid. I saw some amazing work there though, and some that just made me go "huh?". Maybe I've just been out of the art scene for so long, it just felt kind of weird to be there, schmoozing with the other artists and the people who came to see it. Mind you, I've never liked that aspect of the art world - sometimes it seems really false, like you are just making stuff up about the "motivations" behind the work to sound impressive. Not to say that the work isn't legitimate or anything like that - most of my art has a motivating force behind it that caused me to create it. A lot of the time though, I just want to create something beautiful, and that almost doesn't seem to be a good enough reason - it's not controversial enough, or not "deep" enough. Even though I think I have skill, and enjoy doing it, I almost feel like I'm not a "real" artist; I hate going around to galleries and dealers showing them my work, and I always feel a little awkward when I have to talk about my artwork. I almost wish I could say, "Here's my work, I hope you like it, can we move on to a different topic now?" I always think I sound stupid and boring when I talk about my work, even though everyone always seems to enjoy what I have to say. I guess I would just rather let the work speak for itself.

Recently had another bout of "what is wrong with these people?" mentality. Without going into a huge tirade, it's really irritating me recently how little discipline Japanese parents give their kids, and somehow they never really seem to mature in Japan (like seeing fully grown adults with stuffed toys on their phones, and wearing clothing covered in comic book characters). I know that anything cute here is highly prized, but there doesn't really seem to be a cut-off point for carrying a Kitty-chan purse - honey, you don't look cute, you look like you're trying too hard. And the current obsession with Louis Vuitton, even with men... PUHLEEEEZE!!!

Enough said, I know Japan is a very different culture, and I really am trying to understand why things are the way they are. I think I'm just having a bad week. I went to the optometrist for a follow-up visit last week, as last time the doctor suspected I had glaucoma. Anyway, all I understood from the doctor was "right eye is bad", "dangerous", and "warning". I kept explaining that I didn't understand much Japanese, that she would have to speak more simply, but she kept saying the same thing over and over. I ended up in tears out of frustration, and had to leave. After getting a colleague to phone and find out what the doctor was trying to tell me, turns out everything is fine, she just wanted me to take some eyedrops. I know they are under no obligation to speak English, and that I am in Japan, but wouldn't you think that saying "I don't understand, please speak more simply" at least 10 times would have clued her into the fact that she had to change the words she was using? I guess they aren't used to dealing with people who don't speak their language fluently, which I can understand. Still didn't make it any less of a frustrating experience for me though. Makes me feel that all my studying isn't actually helping either, which I know isn't true. I'm getting about 80% on the practice tests I'm taking, so that's all good. Just sucks that I still find it difficult to practically use!! I know I am getting better, but the speed at which I'm learning sometimes seems too slow. I'm stuck in linguistic mud!! Help me, help me, I'm drowning!!!! Glug glug glug.